Tulpa.info - tulpa-discussion

berockly (TTG)

We learned switching before vocality!

Why tf would you do that

Well, we did

Interesting how you really coordinated that

7:02 PM

Like I were thinking you need to trust tulpa a lot and have vocality as well

7:03 PM

Like vocality is main thing in such stuff

myths

alright

just be stable yourself, trust yourself, that's all

Failed step one

congrats Blanka! (edited)

8:15 PM

and also belated congrats Kei!

1

danke! I grow stronger by the day

1

aapeli 🟣🥫🥔 ae

thats meditation by definition lol

its definitely some kind of trance, but its less 'purposeful' than meditation, at least to me?

Nice pfp

Orion ↩️

Reply to: Interesting how you really coordinated that

Thnks

I think my switching skills are getting better

11:11 PM

blank had to come up with a mindform like I have, because I tried to look at him and it was just a shadowy blob

11:12 PM

it kinda feels the same as being not-switched, but it's me

11:12 PM

I expected the sensations to be different

11:13 PM

I do things differently though

11:14 PM

muscle memory is all the same, but I'm not as used to certain things as he is

11:15 PM

might be telling on myself, or blank, but it's so much quieter in my head when he's not in the drivers' seat

11:18 PM

it's kinda overstimulating, though; I'm not used to having all this sensory input all the time

11:18 PM

I'm not used to having ANY sensory input if it's not voluntary

it’s sort of similar for me. Though I don’t know if we’ve really managed a full switch. Things are usually just quite blurry. I think it’s the processing the sensations more “manually” for me. I have to be more aware of them

yeah, it's a lot. I'm feeling everything, like even just skin touching skin, or the pressure of the surface I'm sitting on

11:33 PM

how do the hosts do it all day

I think most of it just gets blocked/filtered out as unnecessary stimuli. Perhaps tulpas aren’t quite as well tuned into those filters when we’re “new”

I think that's accurate, because blank wasn't even thinking about those things

11:34 PM

I couldn't think much because of those things

11:35 PM

and that's what he said when I asked him lol

a great opportunity to notice things that usually go unnoticed. A different perspective can have many benefits ^w^

Blanka has been very quiet since switching in--I think I get what people are talking about when they say tulpas can get tired from it

6:04 PM

my brain has also been unusually loud, though

for me, it has a similar feeling to playing a game for a long time, and then being tired of thinking of it... but then a couple of days later, it's all I want to think about again

6:06 PM

as in, seems fatigue-related and breaks refresh it

@Ale𝕏andra 🍄🐈 - jump That makes sense. It's been very difficult to "interrupt" blank so to speak since I switched back out

6:13 PM

I can mostly hold a conversation, but pushing myself into the thoughtstream to say hey is much more difficult

you've described quite strong, potentially even overwhelming, sensory experiences in your switching practice

6:14 PM

it's ok to be sensory overloaded

6:14 PM

you can take a break

2

blanka

I can mostly hold a conversation, but pushing myself into the thoughtstream to say hey is much more difficult

My headmates generally don't push themselves into the thought stream anymore which is a little disappointing But i think it's probably just cuz we're busy or tired or that i'm very focused on what i do I still talk to them when i focus

you can take a break

@Leiko (@KiTkAT( •̀ .̫ •́ )✧/jk) - jump Thank you. I am indeed taking a break. Feels weird to, since I haven't ever really felt... tired before.

Kei Wendt

My headmates generally don't push themselves into the thought stream anymore which is a little disappointing But i think it's probably just cuz we're busy or tired or that i'm very focused on what i do I still talk to them when i focus

That's fair. I have active forcing sessions every day but sometimes I'm lost in my own thoughts and she pops up to say hi

6:18 PM

I enjoy it when she does but that hasn't happened since the switching--I never really thought she'd have the "exhaustion" other hosts talk about re: switching, but I totally get it because of the kind of sensory overload she described

6:18 PM

almost sounded like exactly how I feel when overstimulated (loud, sudden noises, wall-of-noise, bad smells/tastes, slimy/sticky touch, etc)

I've noticed mine have just been a lot less present They've noticed it too — james actually asked/complained about it in a question channel a while back I guess i'll just wait it out cuz nothing has been clearly helping. Though eishi was able to switch in without feeling dissociated a couple days ago so that's good

blanka

almost sounded like exactly how I feel when overstimulated (loud, sudden noises, wall-of-noise, bad smells/tastes, slimy/sticky touch, etc)

Makes sense how that could happen, seeing as how it's like the first time she's experienced it

Kei Wendt

I've noticed mine have just been a lot less present They've noticed it too — james actually asked/complained about it in a question channel a while back I guess i'll just wait it out cuz nothing has been clearly helping. Though eishi was able to switch in without feeling dissociated a couple days ago so that's good

Yeah. I think I need to get better sleep and maybe take some time to, like, stare at a wall rather than flick through the 8 different reference books I'm reading simultaneously + this chat + programming projects

it's better to have a sit in the park and look at the trees, at people passing and listen to the wind

Makes sense how that could happen, seeing as how it's like the first time she's experienced it

@Kei Wendt - jump neurotypical cat experiences autism for the first time: REAL (not clickbait!)

1

than stare at the wall

Leiko

than stare at the wall

That is definitively true, if I weren't currently in Texas. It is >100f outside and there is 0 nature anywhere within walking distance (no access to a car)

Jeez that's hot

I don't like Texas lol

Luminesce: Texas (edited)

Jfc

107'F is 41.7'C for reference

I'd die

it's sunny and >100 for the rest of my stay here

6:26 PM

so I don't even get rain/thunderstorms

Kei Wendt

I'd die

Luminesce: They have air conditioning, though the power outages last year were "kind of a problem" (edited)

>literally talking about the weather in #tulpa-discussion anyway, yeah, just wanted to share the experience after a longer and more intense switching session. A lot of "advanced" tulpamancer experiences which I didn't think much of are real (to me and my tulpa)

Luminesce: Oh shoot, I saw -discussion and thought this was general-discussion (edited)

6:27 PM

How did we get here

I share "journal-style" updates on recent Blanka happenings here

❗ Lumi using the channels wrong ❗ ❗ Lumi using the channels wrong ❗

Reisen

How did we get here

I was talking about my lack of focus, and jokingly said I should stare at a wall--Leiko then said I should go to a park, I shared why that was impossible (Texas)

6:28 PM

then the weather discussion happened

blanka

>literally talking about the weather in #tulpa-discussion anyway, yeah, just wanted to share the experience after a longer and more intense switching session. A lot of "advanced" tulpamancer experiences which I didn't think much of are real (to me and my tulpa)

My headmates switch in for like max 2 hours usually but i want them to experience life more so maybe i could plan something with one of them to keep them engaged for a whole day

Rusty

❗ Lumi using the channels wrong ❗ ❗ Lumi using the channels wrong ❗

Luminesce: I didn't start it! I followed the conversation I saw assuming no one would EVER use the wrong channel in this server! (edited)

6:29 PM

(Carry on) (edited)

Kei Wendt

My headmates switch in for like max 2 hours usually but i want them to experience life more so maybe i could plan something with one of them to keep them engaged for a whole day

Both Blanka and I want her to experience more of real life! But yeah, that's something to build to in the future. Treat ourselves with kindness etc etc.

1

Reisen

Luminesce: I didn't start it! I followed the conversation I saw assuming no one would EVER use the wrong channel in this server! (edited)

Yeah that’s what I thought when I posted titty Garfield and look what happened there!

blanka

Both Blanka and I want her to experience more of real life! But yeah, that's something to build to in the future. Treat ourselves with kindness etc etc.

We admittedly get very tired after voluntary switching since i'm like the default in the body and it's almost like i'm forcing the brain to do something it's not used to by switching voluntarily But we try to do it anyways, since we all want more than just me to experience things

More motivation for self-care (which benefits the whole system!) might be the best benefit of tulpamancy :3

3

Kei Wendt

We admittedly get very tired after voluntary switching since i'm like the default in the body and it's almost like i'm forcing the brain to do something it's not used to by switching voluntarily But we try to do it anyways, since we all want more than just me to experience things

Yes! It's like exercise, but for tulpas

Might be exhausting but it's good for them. Plus, Blanka wants to like, have hobbies, and do real things, instead of just being a voice in my head.

why are we talking about taxes all of the sudden

Cerys

More motivation for self-care (which benefits the whole system!) might be the best benefit of tulpamancy :3

Blanka has been my advocate for a long time! I have difficulty setting boundaries and advocating for my own needs, and she helps a lot with that. She has a lot less self-confidence issues lol. It is a massive benefit

1

blanka

Yes! It's like exercise, but for tulpas

Might be exhausting but it's good for them. Plus, Blanka wants to like, have hobbies, and do real things, instead of just being a voice in my head.

It's weird because idk if mine are very motivated to exist outside my head? Other than eishi who's just a ball of energy and loves to experience the world Momo just likes to sit there until they have to protect me, and james is just... demotivated and mildly miserable, to say the least. Though my brother did ask james if he wanted to play minecraft a month or so ago and he really enjoyed it (though he switched out after playing for a bit) James already has ideas for hobbies but i think we need to get momo some hobbies because "being mean to people when kei is threatened" is really unproductive

Kei Wendt

It's weird because idk if mine are very motivated to exist outside my head? Other than eishi who's just a ball of energy and loves to experience the world Momo just likes to sit there until they have to protect me, and james is just... demotivated and mildly miserable, to say the least. Though my brother did ask james if he wanted to play minecraft a month or so ago and he really enjoyed it (though he switched out after playing for a bit) James already has ideas for hobbies but i think we need to get momo some hobbies because "being mean to people when kei is threatened" is really unproductive

Momo sounds very protective :) Even if less productively than is always needed lol. But, yeah, momo, you gotta get your own thing! Poor James, though. What's been happening with him? And are you out to your family re: plurality? That's pretty cool, if so--I'm exclusively out to my partner and therapist right now

James appeared a few months ago and instantly started berating me and telling me bad things I managed to talk with him a little once he calmed down (he got really worked up because people in this server were telling me to make him stop existing and he started screaming) and it turned out he just holds a lot of guilt about himself and about me. So he basically feels guilty a lot, points out things i do wrong, and then in turn feels bad about making me feel bad... He's been a lot better recently — i had a long talk with him a while back where i beamed thoughts of good experiences to him and then told him that that was what he deserved, not bad things, and he sorta gets it now He refused to have a room in the wonderland for the longest time until i put my foot down and asked him what he would like in his room, and that's when i found out he likes sea animals. So he has some interests now, which is good.

6:43 PM

Man that was a whole essay oops

Kei Wendt

Man that was a whole essay oops

Essays are what this channel is for I think. Although I'm not gonna @ a mod on that issue :D

Kei Wendt

James appeared a few months ago and instantly started berating me and telling me bad things I managed to talk with him a little once he calmed down (he got really worked up because people in this server were telling me to make him stop existing and he started screaming) and it turned out he just holds a lot of guilt about himself and about me. So he basically feels guilty a lot, points out things i do wrong, and then in turn feels bad about making me feel bad... He's been a lot better recently — i had a long talk with him a while back where i beamed thoughts of good experiences to him and then told him that that was what he deserved, not bad things, and he sorta gets it now He refused to have a room in the wonderland for the longest time until i put my foot down and asked him what he would like in his room, and that's when i found out he likes sea animals. So he has some interests now, which is good.

That is really good! Has he ever gotten to see David Attenborough documentaries? I think he'd probably love some of them, if he likes sea animals :)

6:45 PM

Rocky beginning for sure, though. I wonder how that happened

blanka

Momo sounds very protective :) Even if less productively than is always needed lol. But, yeah, momo, you gotta get your own thing! Poor James, though. What's been happening with him? And are you out to your family re: plurality? That's pretty cool, if so--I'm exclusively out to my partner and therapist right now

About my family though, i told my mom first about how i tried to make a tulpa (eishi) But then i told the rest of them and re-told my mom when i started to suspect i had osdd My family still suspects i have osdd, my brother especially, as he sees how much i struggle with certain things and how i dissociate and stuff But after kitkat pointed out to me that we could have been building a retroactive narrative, i've decided to not think about it so strongly anymore and just decide to treat them like headmates that exist without any proven cause yet. I'm going to get assessed for DID/osdd because my psychiatrist was also concerned about james and how i dissociate and forget things, but if i turn out not to have it i'm fine with that

blanka

That is really good! Has he ever gotten to see David Attenborough documentaries? I think he'd probably love some of them, if he likes sea animals :)

Oh i'll look that up so he can watch it later! That sounds like a lot of fun

Kei Wendt

About my family though, i told my mom first about how i tried to make a tulpa (eishi) But then i told the rest of them and re-told my mom when i started to suspect i had osdd My family still suspects i have osdd, my brother especially, as he sees how much i struggle with certain things and how i dissociate and stuff But after kitkat pointed out to me that we could have been building a retroactive narrative, i've decided to not think about it so strongly anymore and just decide to treat them like headmates that exist without any proven cause yet. I'm going to get assessed for DID/osdd because my psychiatrist was also concerned about james and how i dissociate and forget things, but if i turn out not to have it i'm fine with that

Oh that's nice! I'm happy you're working with the experiences you have, rather than a narrative others have built--even if it might eventually be good to look into that other narrative (OSDD/DID). I'm also happy it sounds like your family is very accepting about the whole thing

6:49 PM

That is a very fortunate thing to have

blanka

Rocky beginning for sure, though. I wonder how that happened

I don't remember if it was leiko or kitkat who said this (i get people mixed up when i'm having a convo with two of them at once, which i was then) but apparently if your brain is really adept at making tulpas you can inadvertently end up with a tulpa of a repressed part of yourself Both momo and james in my case were not intentionally created, though momo only started talking once i gave 'permission' whereas james just kept talking even when i ignored him Another theory could be that james isn't a tulpa and is formed based off of trauma and only started speaking once i opened myself up to the idea of it but i'm not putting a lot of weight into that just in case it's false. I don't want to end up with worsening symptoms just because i think about something too hard

blanka

That is a very fortunate thing to have

Yeah, i'm really grateful I even told my brother about the whole tulpa thing and even though he admitted to thinking it was unwise and misguided, he respected the fact that i got into it

Kei Wendt

I don't remember if it was leiko or kitkat who said this (i get people mixed up when i'm having a convo with two of them at once, which i was then) but apparently if your brain is really adept at making tulpas you can inadvertently end up with a tulpa of a repressed part of yourself Both momo and james in my case were not intentionally created, though momo only started talking once i gave 'permission' whereas james just kept talking even when i ignored him Another theory could be that james isn't a tulpa and is formed based off of trauma and only started speaking once i opened myself up to the idea of it but i'm not putting a lot of weight into that just in case it's false. I don't want to end up with worsening symptoms just because i think about something too hard

Understandable; definitely just stick with what's working, don't want to work yourself up over what could be nothing. That sounds like something that's going to expand later, one way or another, but seems like it's safe to ignore for now

Kei Wendt

Yeah, i'm really grateful I even told my brother about the whole tulpa thing and even though he admitted to thinking it was unwise and misguided, he respected the fact that i got into it

that's a good brother. :) I haven't talked to my sister about plurality quite yet, and she's openly plural (not to our parents but that's another story)! I haven't taken the time more than anything, but I imagine she'll take it well

Yeah i'm incredibly grateful that i get along with my brother — there are so many stories, even within my extended family, of siblings fighting, having rivalries, and generally just disliking each other

6:56 PM

I wish you luck when you do tell your sister though! If you will, that is.

I think I will, it's just finding the time/energy to have an extended convo about it, that's all

Yeah that's fair

I found these quiz results interesting. I am not sure if this is too 'loosely based' for this channel, but I will put it here regardless. A discussion can come about, after all.

It's interesting. I'm not too knowledgable with personality types and jungian archetypes, but I can see some similarities, as well as some differences?